Calls For Worldwide Cleansing In Effort To Attain Facial Purity

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In a fiery and, at instances, frenzied speech before a crowd of his most committed fans, Neutrogena CEO Richard Harper introduced plans Thursday for a marketing campaign of world cleansing, pronouncing his corporation would in no way relent in its purpose of attaining facial purity throughout the globe.

Harper, status on a big stage in Griffith Park and flanked via substantial banners bearing the Neutrogena brand, introduced his address to an envisioned two hundred,000 humans, all of whom stood at interest in perfect formations and appeared to possess uniformly clean and even pores and skin tones. The assembled supporters may be heard roaring in approval as the CEO extolled his company’s plan for a final skin-care answer.

“We must scour from the earth all of the acne, oily T-zones, and blotchy patches that have inflamed our societies with facial inferiority!” stated Harper, who slammed his fists at the podium before him, his face reddening with each forceful name to motion. “For too long, these blemishes have careworn our groups and deprived us of descendants with wonderful, supple cheeks and a healthful glow. We have tried protecting up the hassle with a chunk of concealer, however, in spite of an award-prevailing line of cosmetics that could work wonders in your trouble spots, that is no longer sufficient.”

 

“The time has come for a deep, deep, deep scrub!” Harper continued. “Only then can Neutrogena start its thousand-yr reign over a clear-skinned, facially pure world.”

Harper then reportedly paused a couple of minutes to moisturize the usage of a triple-movement face lotion with broad-spectrum UV safety.

Witnesses showed that at one point in the course of his speech, the CEO observed a man in the crowd with a single pimple and exploded with rage, educating protection to remove the wrongdoer from the venue and feature him cleansed. This tactic could seem to coincide with bills of large-scale mass cleansings being performed around the arena by using Neutrogena’s armed purification sellers. Reports have proliferated of incidents wherein humans with conditions as minor as habitual breakouts or aggregate skin was rounded up and subjected to repeated applications of oil-free pimples washes and deep-clean purifying peel-off masks.

Handbills dispensed at Thursday’s rally bore the identity, “Don’t Just Cover Up—Clear Up!” and featured a crude caricature of a teen with extreme pimples and blackheads being violently scrubbed with a bar of Neutrogena cleaning soap. Online propaganda in assist of the facial-cleaning campaign proclaims that the worldwide population has to be prepared to sacrifice the entirety to “smash the breakout cycle” and gain clearer pores and skin in just one week.

“Excess oils and impurities have penetrated deep into our world’s once-pristine face, and we must move deep down into the pores to root out this grimy risk,” Harper stated to his cheering followers, whose resounding chants in reward of the “wide variety-one dermatologist-advocated logo” grew an increasing number of fanatical. “The campaign will be long, and our struggles could be many. But through the compulsory administration of strict, personalized skin-care regimens, we are able to purge all that contaminates us!”

He added: “Mark my phrases. The streets will run white with the push of the unclean.”

According to assets, such efforts have already begun with Neutrogena no longer best apprehending humans it considers of an inferior face, however also busing them to mystery exfoliation camps. When they arrive, the ones deemed capable of rehabilitation are reportedly sent to the showers for instant cleaning. Meanwhile, the ones classified hopeless instances are allegedly used to check experimental grapefruit-based totally microbead pimples wipes and potentially lethal new hydration workouts.

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